Last weekend's discussion of Just Wait went amazingly well. Thank you so much to everyone who participated and was patient with Skype's perpetual technical difficulties. The discussion was animated and varied and last almost two full hours. While it was impossible to write down everything we talked about, I've outlined the highlights here if you're interested.

Thanks so much to InstantKarmaGirl for not only allowing us to use her story for the inaugural run of Fic Club, but for also agreeing to be interviewed with questions posed during the discussion.

Where did you come up with the idea for this story? Does it have some basis in real life for you?

Everything I write has some basis in real life. Pretty much most of my stories are pretty personal. That’s not to say that I’ve experienced everything the characters have directly. I’ve always been a fairly empathetic person and can easily place myself in someone’s mental state of mind, much to my detriment at times.

This story, at least parts of it, have been in my head for about 10 years. I’ve recently refined it into the story as it is today and after it is finished posting, I’ll refine it more.

Because I don’t personally know anyone who is reading this, I’m not going to go into the details of my life, my childhood, my experiences with abuse or neglect, but it’s safe to say that I understand the emotions behind the characters fairly well.



How much of yourself do you put into your characters? Do you identify more with Edward or Bella?

I think I put some of who I am into the characters. I think most authors do, otherwise the characters are a bit flat and undefined.

I identify with both leads relatively equally. In Bella, she captures my angry rage when life is just stupid for no reason. In Edward, he showcases my internal ability to hope that life won’t always be stupid.

I don’t know exactly how to answer because I can see life through both their eyes. Neither one of them is exactly healthy in their approach, but do I go inward like Edward or become external like Bella? Perhaps it depends on the situation, but if I had to pick on or the other, I would have to say that I was more like Edward. I think many, many thoughts that are never verbally addressed (which is why I love writing).


What made you see these characters in terms of Edward and Bella?

Laziness. Kind of, sort of. Okay, maybe a little lazy, but when you read Meyer’s original works, I get the sense of the characters being slightly unexplored. I hate that.

I mean, really, why does Bella take care of people? Why does she flip out when her boyfriend dumps her? Why does Edward hate himself? Why does he want to sabotage his life by refusing to change Bella?

Her source material gives the readers a lot of questions, some good, some bad. I tend to over-think characters. Just like with real humans, I want to know why they do things and I didn’t think she showcased their motives very well.

So it got me thinking. And then I thought about the characters that danced and cried and ripped at my brain and somehow connected Edward with the wounded soul who watched his mother kill herself and Bella with the one who wraps herself inside the cushion of anger and drugs.

But in regards to laziness, I didn’t have to spend a lot of time describing their physical appearance because the audience already has their Edward and their Bella in their minds. I dislike writing a lot of descriptions. I hate reading it too. I don’t want authors to give me every detail and I didn’t want to feel like I had to, so Edward and Bella were a good, easy choice.


What is your writing method? Do you outline, or do you just have a rough idea of the story flow?

I skeleton outline. I write down the scenes I want to happen in the chapters, the important bits that need to be covered. Sometimes the characters don’t like to be corralled like that, so they give my outline the finger and go on to things they want to show, but in this story it’s essential that I outline.

Other stories don’t really need an outline and can flow, but this one has a lot of elements that need to be detailed, so I don’t know how else I would keep track of it all. Plus, this story has a definite beginning, middle, and end in my head. If I just wrote and wrote, there are a million little stories that could make their way into the text and we’d never get anywhere. Five years from now I’d still be writing about Edward and Bella watching TV or get bogged down with the outlying characters’ stories…non-essential things.



Do you write to music? If so, what do you listen to?

Only occasionally do I write to music. I can’t write to anything with lyrics because I get so caught up in the vocals. I usually listen to vocals as another instrument, but when I’m trying to write, I end up just writing the words that I’m hearing. It’s odd.

When I do write to music, it’s usually Classical. Beethoven is excellent for writing.

That having been written, even if I don’t write listening to music, there is nine times out of ten songs that play in my head while writing.


You are very detailed and accurate with the psychological and medical aspects of your story. Do you do a lot of research?

I think I do enough research to be accurate but not too much to be annoying (I hope in both cases). There are some things that I just know and they require no research.



Your writing style is very simple but rich because your characterizations are so strong. Was this a conscious choice or just how it flows naturally?

I am not sure I understand the question. I cannot change my writing style. I was told a long time ago to show, don’t tell, so I try to show without going overboard with words. Perhaps I haven’t analyzed my style enough to be able to deconstruct it.

I know it’s different than other authors, but I don’t know if I can articulate how it is.

As for characterization, I would read a story in which nothing happens, so long as the characters were defined, so that’s a big thing for me. Characters represent real people, so I want mine to be as defined, as 360 degrees as real people. Characterization is about 50/50 in regards to choice vs. natural flow. If you get the main crux of a character down, the little details flow.


Your *ahem* drug references are very specific. Is this due to personal experience?

Yes.


Do you intend for Bella's drug use to be viewed as a true addiction or as a wall that Bella builds to hide behind?

I intend for Bella’s drug use to be defined by the reader. Our experiences shape our perspective, so there are some who will view her as hopelessly addicted, and there are others who will see the drug use as no big deal.

If you’re asking what I think specifically, for my interpretation of it, I don’t know if I’m comfortable revealing it.

The story is built upon letting the readers decide for themselves, so I worry about giving my opinion on if she’s addicted to drugs.

I will say that the entire story is about addictions and ways in which people shape their own realities (regardless of the methods).


Bella seems quite aware that what Renee did to her was wrong, but doesn't seem to understand that the sexual abuse she suffered wasn't deserved (specifically, her comment "it's what I'm for"). Why the difference? And if she knew Renee was wrong, why did she not fight back after coming of an age where she certainly could have.

Why didn’t she fight back? Most kids who are abused never fight back, no matter how big/strong/able they might physically be. Abuse, while carried out in the physical realm, is much more mental.

I think it’s difficult for someone who has never experienced something like abuse (in any of its forms) to understand why the abused “take it.” There’s fear involved, there’s conditioning. It’s a barbed vice clutching at the mind, at the sense of safety and self..

There’s a hopelessness that is debilitating in which even the thought of “fighting back” or “rising up” is painful.

And think about it from a child’s point of view, this is what Bella knows. She doesn’t know a world without it.

I don’t know, it’s hard to describe.

As for why she knows her mother was wrong and not knowing that the sexual abuse was wrong, again, it’s a conditioning thing. Bella’s first experience with sex was having it forced upon her. Her second experience with sex was having it forced upon her. Her third, her fourth, her so on and so forth…from age ELEVEN.

Try to remember what it was like to be completely innocent in regards to sex and then try to imagine all of that innocence being shattered.

What it boils down to is that Bella had Charlie in her life (no matter how small) to show her that not every person wants to make her hurt, but in regards to sex, from age eleven to age fourteen, sex was taken from her, pretty violently. Even after age fourteen, when she chose to engage, sex wasn’t a connection of two souls, it was still just someone fucking her. How would she know it wasn’t what she was for until someone showed her that it wasn’t?


Will we ever see Renee in real time during the course of the story?

This is a specific question about what will happen in the story, so I cannot answer. I apologize. When the story is over, I would love to get questions again as to why/why not something did/didn’t happen.


Other than Edward's obvious gift of music, what role does it play in JW? It almost seems like another character at times in how it adds to the chapters and is woven in.

Music is huge in the JW universe. Edward has saturated himself in the creative process of music, in the study of it since he was removed from his father’s house. Bella, has never really given much thought about it. She’s had had ample access to it, but never explored it until Edward shared its meaning with her.

Most of the music mentioned is meaningful to the scene or to the overall character.


Will we ever get any outtakes with alternate POVs?

No clue. It won’t happen until after the story is complete, unless the Fandom Gives Back auction winners ask for it (but I have a sneaking suspicion that they’ll want Edward POV).

I have a Rosalie/Emmett outtake and a Jasper/Alice outtake in my head for a certain scene, but I don’t know I’ll write it. I guess it’ll depend if I’m unable to let the characters or story go when the main story ends.

My main concern is Edward and Bella’s story and I don’t want to get to involved into going into some of the other things. It might be distracting.


Will Edward ever be fitted with a Delayed Auditory Feedback device in order to curb his stuttering?

This is from Debbie (urmistaken). I love her. DAF has been covered in what is written, however it’ll be quite a bit before it’s posted.

One thing to think about is how Edward would deal with something like this. Would it help him if he felt like it just further enforced that he wasn’t “normal” (an outward, visible sign)?


Does Edward sing?

Edward is very conscious about his voice. Edward controls the use of his voice. At this point, it is safe to say that Edward does not sing (see recently posted chapter 45).


What significance, if any, does the music mentioned in the chapters hold?

The music is significant in that it’s what Edward listens to, it’s what moves him; it’s what helps him emote/connect/feel/process. Now that chapter 45 is posted, we know that he was given the gift of musical freedom when he met Carlisle. Imagine have something held from you and then given every opportunity to explore it in detail.

I imagine he has thousands and thousands and thousands of song downloaded onto his computer.


Likewise, are the books mentioned supposed to hold any hidden meanings for the readers? We've noticed lots of father/son relationships within the stories mentioned.

Most of the books are telling. I would think that if someone looked at my bookshelf, they’d be able to tell a lot about me.


Is the mention of Faramir and Boromir meant to be a metaphor for Edward and Joseph?

Farmair and Boromir are archetypes in fiction. Most everything mentioned in this story has meaning. Re-read chapter 17.


Is religion a significant theme in your own life? Do you spend a lot of time researching the verses you use within the story? How do you manage to find verses so applicable to Edward's mindset?

Religion vs. Spirituality is a recurring theme in my life. Finding meaning in the meaningless, sorting out what was forced upon me vs. what I know to be real and true is a huge thing.

What is “a lot of time”? I don’t spend a lot of time on researching the verses, I don’t think.

How do I find them? I have a bookshelf full of spiritual books, half of which are related to Christianity (and there’s about four Bibles) and I remember a lot about the Bible from my childhood. I mainly remember stories, so I have to search for the verses attached to them.

Religion was a huge piece of my past and spirituality is a huge piece of my present.


How many chapters do we have left?

I don’t know exactly. I have outlined what needs to be covered, but the chapter outlines are in constant flux. I’m writing chapter 54, and I think it’ll probably end up being around 65-ish…possibly.



What kind of HEA, if any, can we expect with this story? With all of its complexity, it seems like it would be very hard to 'fix' everything that is wrong.

This is another specific question that I won’t answer. I will say that the ending will be as the entire story strives to be and that is realistic.


Anything you want to comment on from the discussion notes? Or anything else you'd like to tell us? ;)

In regards to Bella’s diabetes and the specific question about PopTarts, diabetics can eat whatever they want, they just have to be very careful what the quantities are and make insulin adjustments based on their monitored blood sugar. For instance, a co-worker has diabetes and yet all she eats all day is candy. Flips me out, but she survives. A husband of a friend of mine has the insulin pump, so he can eat much less carefully than his young daughter who doesn’t.

The gist of it is, if you’re monitoring how many carbs you’re eating and adjusting for it with your insulin, it becomes less of an issue. For Bella, a PopTart once a day is an indulgence she gives herself. She factors it in when calculating her insulin regimen. It’s one little snack/meal that she doesn’t have to plan and execute. She already knows the carb value, already knows how her system will react and thus it’s an easy tummy filler that tastes good.

She also eats chocolate.

I think the prevailing thought about diabetics is that they can never have anything sweet, but that’s just not true. Diabetics just need to be careful about it.

In regards to Charlie, especially in the first chapter, we see him through a jaded daughter’s eyes. In the phone conversation, we not only see it through Bella’s eyes, we also only hear one side of the conversation.

I love Charlie. Charlie’s responsibility to be a full-time parent was stolen from him fifteen years ago and then suddenly it’s thrust back upon him. He doesn’t get to grow with his child, experiencing life’s milestones with her. No, he gets her as an extremely abused, very angry teenager.

Charlie was given no handbook and it’s probably a little scared out of his mind. Guilt probably plays a lot into who he is. He loves his daughter, but how does a father show it to a daughter who barely knows him? Then amplify that question by adding in that his daughter was taken advantage of in so many ways that even him being physically close to her frightens them both.

Re: Rock & Marble: I think Bella’s attachment to small, seeming meaningless things is important. Her mother probably didn’t think to throw away rocks or worthless items like that. They are concrete, strong, stable, and mean nothing to anyone else. I think it’s an important piece of knowledge about who Bella is.